


Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

by muggles



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 14:43:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5630287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muggles/pseuds/muggles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leia takes a moment to grieve for all that she's lost.</p>
<p>[incredibly massive Force Awakens spoilers!!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

Han was dead.

Leia felt it before the readings came through the monitor, before the command officers started yelling in confusion, before the crew discreetly turned to gauge her reaction.

Han was dead, and Ben, their son, had killed him. She had asked him to bring Ben home, and now, they were both lost to her, forever.

***

Leia didn’t remember walking to her quarters, but here she was, now, sitting at the desk where she’d spent so many hours of her life. The work she’d devoted herself to so fully, sometimes at the expense of her role as wife and mother and sister, but always a necessary pursuit for the greater good. Somebody had to take charge, and her sharp, strategic mind and devotion to the cause made her a logical fit—maybe the only person who could have done it.

When Alderaan had been destroyed all those years ago, she’d foolishly believed that she’d lost everything, that she might never be hurt again. She didn’t realize then just how much more life she had to live, how much more she had that could still be taken from her.

Leia’s chest tightened, her breaths coming short and shallow and fast as she buried her head in her fists. She felt the tears flow now, hot against her cheeks, throat raw as she wept with painful, heaving wails. Her entire body shook uncontrollably, and she no longer had the strength to hold it back. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair. “No!” she screamed, sweeping an arm over her desk and knocking its contents to the floor. “NO!”

***

Ben felt it too. 

As his father touched his cheek and fell into the emptiness below them, Ben felt a surge of emotion through his core, but it wasn’t his own this time—it was his mother’s. He hesitated for a moment, trying to ignore it, trying to push it away as he had with every other unwelcome thought and feeling that pulled him from his dark path. Ben felt a sudden pain in his side and dropped to his knees, the combination of both emotional and physical pain now overwhelming. He slammed his fist on the ground—he had done the unthinkable, yet this connection to the Light Side still leaked through. 

As his mother’s emotions continued to course through him, Ben looked up and saw the girl on a balcony above, turning and running away. He crawled to his feet and punched his wound, attempting to focus on his hate, his darkness—anything but his mother’s sadness.

He needed to end this connection, once and for all. He needed to destroy that girl.

***

Luke felt it too.

Han, Ben, Leia. Luke blamed himself for Ben’s turn to the Dark Side—he had recognized the threat, he had seen the signs, but he’d foolishly believed he could convince him otherwise, as he had for his own father. But Ben was different. Luke had hidden himself away, in part as punishment and in part as protection—for himself as well as those around him. But now, not only had he betrayed Leia and Han’s trust, not only had they lost their son because of him—but now Leia had lost Han, too.

Luke knew he had to do something. He could feel Leia calling out to him, searching for him. Luke couldn’t let her believe she’d lost him too. He closed his eyes and focused on that little droid he’d left back at the base, the droid that had a map leading directly to him.

It was time to come out of hiding.

***

Leia knelt on the floor, picking up the scattered remnants of her desk, collecting the broken shards and placing them in a pile on the floor. Her body ached from its convulsions, yet at the same time, she felt lighter and more at peace than she had in years. She had spent so much time being the strong one, holding in her emotions for the benefit of her image as a stoic, female leader, that she had never allowed herself such a catharsis, even in private.

She picked up a small object from the floor, holding it in her hand and smiling as she gazed at it. A tiny Millennium Falcon, made of clay. She could still see Ben’s fingerprints where he’d shaped the model in his art class—he’d only been four or five at the time, and she’d rarely seen him so focused and attentive. He’d been so proud to show it to them, to her and Han. And she’d been so proud of him.

Leia clutched the figure to her chest and closed her eyes. Ben may not be with her now, but he wasn’t lost to her yet. She knew she could still bring him home.

But she needed her brother, and she needed that girl.

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for the [TFA Kink Meme](https://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/1082.html?thread=1036602#cmt1036602)
> 
> [Follow me on Tumblr](http://elfauno.tumblr.com)


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